Oprah Wanted To Talk About Adult Kids Cutting Off Their Parents. What I Heard Made My Blood Run Cold.

"According to Coleman, "The old days of 'honor thy mother and thy father,' of 'respect your elders,' have given way." He blames the shift partially on social media content about "toxic families" which he says encourages "inflammatory reactions" to parents' behavior. He also says that therapists are partially to blame, for pathologizing parents with language like "narcissist," "gaslighting" or "boundary-crosser." But throughout the podcast, he uses similar words to describe the children who decide to cut off their parents: "confict-avoidant," "depressive," "overreactive.""

"While he accedes that some parents are abusive, he goes on to claim that the majority who have been cut off are loving and caring. Making the choice to go no contact, he says, "is positioned as a sort of virtuous act of protecting our mental health. I think that's a problem." Coleman's personal experience of being cut off from his adult daughter for several years, and working as a therapist with other estranged parents who are baffled and angry,"

Traditional norms of honoring parents and respecting elders are described as having eroded. Social media content about "toxic families" is said to encourage inflammatory reactions to parents' behavior. Therapeutic language such as "narcissist," "gaslighting," or "boundary-crosser" can pathologize parents. Children who cut off parents are characterized with terms like "conflict-avoidant," "depressive," and "overreactive." Acknowledgment exists that some parents are abusive, while a claim is made that the majority who are cut off are loving and caring. Framing no-contact as a virtuous act of protecting mental health is criticized as problematic. Personal estrangement and clinical work motivated a book titled "Rules Of Estrangement."

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