A woman's journey through commitment phobia began after a traumatic breakup prior to her planned wedding. Although she longed for partnership, her fear of commitment led her to pursue unavailable men until she met her now-husband. Their five-year long-distance relationship across the Atlantic provided the emotional space necessary for her to develop intimacy and gradually accept the idea of marriage. They married simply in New York City Hall and continued living apart for a short time, reinforcing the benefits of their initial long-distance dynamic.
I'd been commitment-phobic most of my adult life. I had almost gotten married in my early 20s, calling off the wedding just a month before the big day. The experience of breaking up with someone I had thought I'd spend my life with was traumatic, and left me with serious commitment issues.
Being long-distance with someone allowed me the space I needed for intimacy to develop. The physical distance helped me ease into the relationship and the idea of long-term commitment.
We'd been together for five years when we got married, during which time we always lived on opposite sides of the Atlantic. Having that literal space in our long-distance relationship was something that really worked for both of us.
After we decided to get married last June in a simple ceremony at New York City Hall, it was a big step for both of us, but still allowed us to maintain our individual spaces.
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