"Yes, you are asking for both of you. Therein lies the trouble, I fear. Your son will be very sad when his friends move away, for sure. But he'll bounce back faster than you will, I think. The best way for you to help your child navigate what's coming is for you to face and grapple with your own sorrow, to the extent possible, before you spring the bad news on him."
"Don't let these two different streams of sadness mingle; keep them separate. For one thing, you don't want to become enmeshed with your son: His feelings need to be his own, and he needs to experience them entirely separate from yours. (Trust me on this. I have hard-won experience.) For another, you're going to need to be optimistic about the future for his sake: He will make new friends; he won't be all alone in the world."
Parents should confront and process their own sorrow before informing children that close friends are moving. Children will be sad but typically recover faster than their parents. Parents must avoid becoming enmeshed so that children's feelings remain distinct and can be experienced independently. Maintaining optimism about the child's future social life helps reassure the child that new friendships will form. Parental emotional preparation allows clearer communication when delivering difficult news. Close adult friendships can intensify a child's attachment to neighborhood friends and complicate parental responses to the move. Helping children adapt requires boundaries and an emphasis on resilience and future possibilities.
Read at Slate Magazine
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