"Second, you're afraid of being labeled "judgmental" by your friend, and being judged by your boyfriend. Some people have this weird expectation that we should be nonjudgmental at all times. Not only is that unrealistic, but I'm not convinced it's right. I do judge people! I judge them for taking up two spots with their big-a** cars, and for bringing unleashed dogs in public, and for lying to their partners about where they were Thursday night."
"It's one thing to be messy, it's another thing to drag someone else into the muck with you. Your friend put you in a crappy position. I do not envy you. First, there is the anguish of knowing your friend has done something harmful. It's fair to be disappointed in your friend for hurting someone - in this case, her husband, your friend. It's a real bummer."
A close friend confessed a four-month affair while her husband remains unaware. The confidant wrestles with whether to tell the husband and whether to involve the boyfriend, who was a groomsman. The affair has prompted emotional strain, resentment, and fear of losing the friendship. The friend seeks support partly due to recent losses and stressors. Feeling disappointment in someone who harms their partner is reasonable. Expecting to be nonjudgmental at all times is unrealistic. Personal moral judgments and boundaries are legitimate without declaring someone irredeemable.
Read at Bustle
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