"My husband and I are celebrating our six-year anniversary soon, and I've been reflecting on our first date. He took me to a restaurant, where I ordered a dinner salad. While enjoying this salad, a piece of lettuce fell from my fork onto the table. What would have been the proper way to handle this circumstance? Leave it on the table? Scoop it into a napkin? Place it on the corner of my plate? I've always wondered about this."
"Tell the friend/spouse/child who is goading you about this that the ghosted does not become the ghoster. And that it would be wildly insulting to write a letter to Emily/Everett/Eli from whom you have not heard in a year, in spite of multiple efforts to say that you are breaking off the relationship. However, Miss Manners suggests that from time to time, you might reach out, if you care to. Sometimes even ghosts change their minds and respond."
"I was just wondering how one might react when there are people out there not just some, but vast blocs who promote that one should be able to do, act, say and be exactly who they wish to be with no fear of reprisal from anyone. Just look around: It seems that any level of dissension about another's actions results in some level of shaming name-calling, finger-pointing, etc."
Discreetly retrieve small pieces of food that fall at the table with a fork or napkin when possible. If retrieval would be conspicuous, a naturally charming reaction is acceptable. One is not obligated to write to someone who has ceased communication; accepting another's silence does not equate to ghosting. Occasional outreach to a silent person is optional and can lead to reconciliation. Large groups advocating absolute personal autonomy can react to dissent with shaming and name-calling. Civility and measured response are necessary when confronting uncompromising assertions of identity or behavior to preserve respectful discourse.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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