"My cousin, usually an easygoing person, is already furious with several guests who have declined her invitation. Her rationale is that because she's borrowed over $20,000 to pay for her wedding, her more financially fortunate guests should help those struggling in the areas of gifts, transportation, hotel costs, childcare, elder care, etc. If the event will impact work responsibilities, guests must ensure adequate vacation time is set aside."
"There is nothing like saying, I put myself in debt to throw this extravagant party, so you better show up health and financial instability be damned! to get you in the spirit for a family wedding. Miss Manners will remind you that you do not need an excuse, and you do not have to give in to coercion. You just have to repeat the phrase, I am afraid Curtis won't be able to attend, but he sends his love as many times as possible until your cousin gets tired of asking."
A couple faces a wedding attendance dilemma when the husband cannot attend a cousin's Thursday-night wedding because of job-related problems. The cousin borrowed over $20,000 and expects wealthier guests to subsidize transportation, lodging, childcare, elder care, gifts, and time off work. Several invitees have declined and enraged the host. Many family members, including an 83-year-old aunt in poor health and a cousin with epilepsy and severe anxiety, plan to attend. Etiquette allows guests to decline without offering a detailed excuse. Repeating a brief statement that the husband cannot attend while sending his love is an acceptable response, though it may risk familial strain.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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