"Thank you for your attempt at helping in the noble cause of mannerliness, but Miss Manners is afraid that your suggestion represents the problem, not the solution. In pursuing the laudable goal of lessening the amount of unpleasantness in the world, you are proposing adding to it. That low road is extremely crowded. If you want to help, please stay off of it."
"Perhaps it would help you to know that retaliatory rudeness never works. Do you really believe that the person you call ugly will reflect on having provoked you with a similar insult? Besides, why are you even engaging with rude strangers? The ultimate insult is refusing to acknowledge another person's existence. Better yet, ignoring the person passes the etiquette test. (Detractors condemn such responses as passive-aggressive, but Miss Manners much prefers them to aggressive-aggressive.)"
Retaliatory rudeness increases unpleasantness and seldom produces self-reflection in the offender. Choosing to engage with rude strangers often escalates conflict rather than resolves it. Refusing to acknowledge an insulting stranger and ignoring them serves as an ultimate, dignified rebuttal and passes etiquette tests. Passive-aggressive responses are less preferable to balanced non-engagement, which prevents adding to existing hostility. Conversations on politics, religion and sex (including gender) are highly contentious and are best avoided in polite company. Questions about formal dining include whether bread plates and bread-and-butter knives are part of a formal multicourse place setting and the correct sequence for serving salads.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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