"I'm fortunate to have had a dear friend ever since kindergarten. We were close all through school, and when I moved a few hours away for college and work, I would see her when I came into town to visit family. We stayed in touch and saw each other at least a few times a year. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, and we have shared some great times together over 30-plus years."
"The group got larger and larger, to the point where I didn't feel comfortable being involved. My friend would be preoccupied with the others, and I didn't always feel accepted or welcome. Most of these friends have things in common, and their incomes are also much higher than mine. The group dinners cost me a decent portion of my monthly budget."
"The last event I attended was to be part of the cheer squad for my friend's first marathon, which was in a city across the country. The trip was exhausting, expensive and slightly alienating for me. I just couldn't keep up after that. I didn't have the energy or desire to attend anything, or to reciprocate on invitations. My partner is also very introverted and we prefer not to host."
A decades-long friendship persisted through moves, occasional visits, and shared major life events. After moving back, the friend joined a growing social circle that became increasingly large and exclusionary. The gatherings were difficult for an introverted person who felt overlooked while the friend was preoccupied with others. The group’s higher incomes and frequent expensive dining imposed financial strain. A long-distance trip to cheer at a marathon was exhausting, costly and isolating, prompting withdrawal from events and invitations. Nearly a year passed without contact, creating guilt and uncertainty about offering an apology, explanation, or rebuilding the relationship sustainably. Adults may maintain separate, non-overlapping friend circles.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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