"Shot down? Why? People are so conscious of gender roles nowadays that after dealing with a bride's question about when to write letters of thanks, Miss Manners was inundated with demands to know why she didn't tell the bridegroom to write them. (The answer: because it was the bride who asked. What does Miss Manners care which of them writes as long as the letters get written?)"
"In forming a wedding party, it is ridiculous to feel that gender is more important than the relationship."
"Traditionally, the genders were divided only because it was thought that respectable single people did not have friends of the other gender. The relevant tradition is that the bride and bridegroom each choose who should stand up for them. And now is the time for you to stand up for yourself."
Wedding attendants should be chosen based on the closeness of the relationship rather than on gender. Historical gender divisions in wedding parties arose from assumptions about single people's friendships across genders. Each partner traditionally selects those who will stand with them at the ceremony. Individuals should assert personal preferences when selecting attendants rather than yielding to avoidance of conflict. Including someone in the wedding party while excluding a closer relative can create resentment. Restricting participation in pre-wedding events to only close friends risks insulting attendants who are officially included. Proposals for co-ed parties may face resistance due to entrenched expectations about gender roles.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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