"At several gatherings with friends and family, the food is blessed by holding hands during a prayer after I have already washed mine in preparation for eating. Holding hands defeats the purpose of washing them, but I don't know how to avoid it during the prayer. Refraining from holding hands, or immediately rewashing right after, might offend the other guests."
"My husband of four years has two adult, financially stable sons. One is married with two children; the other is single. We drive 3,300 miles round-trip twice a year for the children's birthdays. If we have dinner at the home of one of my stepsons, we contribute food. If we go out to dinner, we always pay. Not once has either of the sons offered to pay for anything. I have never mentioned this to my husband, but it annoys me greatly."
Wash hands before meals, participate in communal rituals such as holding hands during prayer, then discreetly excuse oneself afterward to rewash hands without drawing attention. That approach preserves hygiene while avoiding offense. A separate issue involves adult stepchildren who never offer to pay when visited despite financial stability; hosts often cover costs. Responsibility for confronting that pattern falls primarily on the spouse whose behavior and tolerance set the household standard. Family etiquette can differ from general social rules, and tact, consideration and measured honesty should guide how sensitive matters are handled.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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