Marriage 911: Sexuality and Aging

Aging changes sex drive, bodies, desire, arousal, and body image. What once felt easy, spontaneous, and reliable may become confusing, frustrating, painful, unpredictable, or absent. Sexuality can shift at any age, including in the 30s, 50s, and 70s. For men, aging can reduce erection quality and make penetration less reliable, which can feel like failure even though stimulation, pleasure, and ejaculation may still occur. Erotic encounters can continue using hand, mouth, toy, touch, and sensual connection. For women, hormonal changes after menopause can thin and sensitize vaginal tissue, making penetration uncomfortable and affecting enjoyment. Orgasm can also change.

"Your body changes. Your desire changes. Your arousal changes. Your body image may change. What used to feel easy, spontaneous, and reliable may now feel confusing, frustrating, painful, unpredictable, or just... gone. But please hear me: Do not give up. Sexuality changes with aging, and the goal becomes adapting to new patterns rather than stopping intimacy altogether."

"For men, aging can bring changes in erection quality. Maybe the erection is softer. Maybe it does not last long enough for intercourse. Maybe penetration becomes unreliable. And because so many people define sex as intercourse, this can feel like failure. But it is not a failure, it is a change. A man can have stimulation, pleasure, and even ejaculation with a soft penis."

"You can incorporate hand play, mouth play, toy play, touch, sensuality, and all sorts of delicious connections that do not require one body part to behave like it did at age 25. For women, especially after menopause, hormonal changes can affect the vaginal tissue. The lining can become thinner and more sensitive. Penetration may become uncomfortable."

"Orgasm can change too. You may be thinking, "Well, this does not apply to me yet." Not so fast, my younger friend. Sexuality can shift at any age. So whether you are in your 30s with young children, your 50s and navigating menopause, or in your 70s wondering whether sensuality still belongs to you, this conversation matters."

Read at Psychology Today