Make That Phone Call

"Ein Freund, ein guter Freund, ist das Beste was es gibt auf der Welt [A friend, a good friend, is the best thing you can have in this world].―The Comedian Harmonists I dedicate this essay to my friend Gerhard Almstedt, who was taken from us in 2023. Friendship is an underappreciated topic in psychological research, although having good friends is one of the cornerstones of a successful and rewarding social life. It is a source of happiness (Pezirkianidis et al., 2023)."

"Like romantic love, friendship comes with a mystique, an aura of incomprehensibility. If all goes well, it seems to just happen, it seems like a gift of the gods. To think of friendship as an evolved capacity (Seyfarth & Cheney, 2012) or as something that requires work to be found, cultivated, and maintained (Sanchez et al., 2018), seems to spoil the enigma."

"With a nod to positive psychology, we realize that most of us have room to grow in the friendship department. With a little mindfulness, intentionality, and effort, we can reap more of the mutual rewards healthy friendships have in store for us. Alas, friendships are also easy to lose through neglect. Consider my father. When he retired and spent much of his time at home in a state of boredom, he would complain that his old friends did not call him."

Friendship is underappreciated in psychological research despite being a cornerstone of successful, rewarding social life and a source of happiness. Friendship often appears mysterious, like romantic love, seeming to happen spontaneously or as a gift. Friendship can be understood as an evolved capacity or as a relationship that requires work to find, cultivate, and maintain. Scientific literature on friendship exists, yet popular folk psychology shows limited interest. Male friendships receive less public rhapsody, possibly because of homophobia. Positive psychology suggests most people can grow in friendship skills through mindfulness, intentionality, and effort. Friendships are vulnerable to neglect, as shown by retirees whose social contacts fade when mutual effort declines.

Read at Psychology Today