"Dear New to Monogamy, I knew I had always been somewhat attracted to Elias, but I knew they were off limits due to us both being in monogamous relationships, and it seemed like they were heading for marriage. The attraction has only gotten worse now that they've broken up and both have come out as bisexual. I keep having dreams about cheating on my partner with them, watching my partner have sex with them, or having a threesome with them and my partner."
"I feel incredibly guilty about these feelings and have no idea how to handle them. I certainly can't do anything about it-even if my partner and I were in a non-monogamous relationship, and Elias even wanted to do anything, the breakup was bad enough that it would really hurt Tiana if we hooked up and she ever found out. I want to be there for Elias as they navigate life as a newly out nonbinary and bisexual person,"
"and as someone who is going through a lot of mental health struggles, but I feel like I can't do that while I'm so attracted to them. I also want to be honest with my partner, but I have no idea what the rules are for this situation in monogamous relationships-I'm still attracted to him, too, but I'm afraid that if I admit my attraction to Elias to him, he'll think I don't love him anymore."
A man in a stable, long-term monogamous relationship reports strong attraction to a recently single friend who now identifies as bisexual and nonbinary. The man experiences vivid sexual fantasies and dreams involving the friend, including cheating, watching his partner with the friend, and threesomes. He feels intense guilt and believes he cannot act because of monogamy and concern for the friend's former partner's feelings. He wants to support the friend through their coming out and mental-health struggles but worries his attraction makes that impossible. He fears telling his partner will be interpreted as lack of love. He has a sex-positive therapist but has not raised the issue.
Read at Slate Magazine
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