"What's disturbing about the situation is its surprise-it sounds like your wife gave you little indication that she was dissatisfied or interested in an open relationship. Usually, we'd expect some amount of conversation leading up to this fork in the road that she has presented. This sounds pretty rough on her part, but in fairness to her, consider why she may have dropped this on you."
"My wife and I have been married for 11 years, together for 14, and we have two kids. I thought everything in our marriage was fine, but two days ago she made an announcement that left me reeling. She suddenly said she has been sexually dissatisfied for the past seven years-and my options are either to allow her to open the marriage or to end it. My pleas for us to attend couples' therapy have been brushed off. What can I do? -Stunned Spouse"
A spouse revealed seven years of sexual dissatisfaction and presented an ultimatum: open the marriage or end it. Pleas for couples therapy were rejected. The suddenness and lack of prior communication increases the hurt and suggests unresolved communication problems. Consider why the partner issued an ultimatum, including feeling unheard or unable to raise difficult topics. Retrofit conversations and negotiations, potentially making concessions. One option is conditional openness: agree to ethical non-monogamy only with joint couples therapy and individual sessions for both. If meaningful communication and therapy remain impossible, consider whether separation is the necessary next step.
Read at Slate Magazine
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