"When I was 17, I was quiet, an observer on the fringes. That was often mistaken for being wise. Now 70 (and, by the way, gay), I am chatty and opinionated with a tendency to talk over others in conversation. I have come by the changes honestly, so I don't whip myself over it because I am enjoying expressing myself."
"But I do wonder if this is a normal progression, the loss of filters with ageing, or if I am simply losing my sociability going off the rails in some way. While I like being friendly to all and enjoy the company of women especially, I recognise how easily they can be hurt. I seem to put out a strong new-best-friend vibe, but then sometimes, when they step close, I feel crowded and back off."
"The flip-flop clearly offends and I don't want to be doing that, but I frame it as being true to myself. Is this a destructive habit and if so, should I dial down the friendliness? Eleanor says: How responsible are we for the ways other people see us? A lot of people have some version of the experience you're describing, I think. Something about them seems to invite quick closeness, and they wind up with relationships or expectations they didn't quite mean to create."
A person describes evolving from a quiet, observant 17-year-old to a chatty, opinionated 70-year-old who enjoys expressing themself. They sometimes overpower conversations and worry about losing social filters with age or becoming unsociable. They report giving off a strong new-best-friend vibe but withdrawing when others draw close, which can hurt those people. Quick intimacy can arise unintentionally, as in a case of a radio producer whose training created rapid bonds. When others seek more than offered, the sudden pullback feels like rejection, leaving both parties confused, hurt, and uncertain about responsibility.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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