I Secretly Spied On My Cheating Wife. She Might Be a Lesbian. Well, Good.

"It's completely understandable that you'd want to confront your wife for cheating, but I'm going to encourage you to be practical here. You have the ability to set the tone. If you weren't really bothered by it, or if the turn-on majorly outweighed your bother, it may not be useful to stage a full-on confrontation. A more effective route could be for you to just say that you know what's up-you saw it with your own eyes-and it really turned you on."

"However, I don't think you should jump immediately to proposing a threesome. If you first show acceptance for your wife's desires without the air of selfish interest, it may be easier to insinuate yourself here. Ask her what she wants. Does she want to be open? Does she have romantic interest in women as well? Is she actually gay and closeted? Really listen to her and accept what she has to say."

"Once you feel like you have a good grasp on her desires, what was going through her mind and where she'd like this interest in women to go, let her know that you'd like to join her on this journey. This could take several forms. Maybe she wants you to play with her and other women full time. Maybe sometimes. Maybe she would only be OK with you watching. Maybe she wants to pursue this solo"

Confrontation may be unnecessary if arousal outweighs hurt; practical tone-setting can shape the outcome. Tell the partner that the encounter was seen and that it was arousing, but avoid proposing a threesome immediately. First demonstrate acceptance of the partner's desires without appearing selfish. Ask clear questions: whether the partner wants an open relationship, has romantic interest in women, or might be gay and closeted. Listen carefully and accept the partner's responses. After understanding her desires and intentions, express willingness to join her exploration. Possible arrangements include full-time participation with other women, occasional involvement, voyeuristic watching, or allowing the partner to pursue women solo.

Read at Slate Magazine