"If it's your job to figure out when to share this, it's also a partner's job to figure out when to ask. Wanting kids isn't like monogamy or working for a living, where until instructed otherwise people can basically assume that's your plan. More people than ever are deciding they don't want kids. The fact that you're one of them is not shocking, confronting or even especially unusual."
"So yes, there's a reason to share this but it's not because you'd be a liar or a hypocrite if you didn't. It doesn't need to be as hair-shirted as all that. After all, do people who want children start all their relationships by announcing I know I want children? If they don't, do you immediately think, liar? A hypocrite is two-faced, preaches one thing and does another."
Many people now choose to remain childfree, and not wanting children should be treated as a legitimate lifestyle preference. Partners share responsibility to surface this preference; timing of disclosure and timing of asking are both important. Immediate disclosure can feel like reducing oneself to a list of refusals. Delayed disclosure risks wasted time and emotional harm if the preference is a dealbreaker. Being selective about when to share does not equal hypocrisy unless one publicly demands universal immediate disclosure while withholding personal information. Other compatibility questions require similar candid, balanced timing.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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