How to Tell When Emotional Intimacy Is Slipping Away

"Talk of intimacy is typically reduced to sexuality, leaving emotional intimacy an obscure topic. But if we can't talk about it, we can't notice when it's robust or compromised. We can begin by defining emotional intimacy as the emotional unity of two separate and unique individuals. Working with this definition entails several responsibilities. The first is to remain conscious of your own uniqueness, expressed by your needs and desires, your beliefs and values. The second is to support your partner's uniqueness. The third is the decision to build a relationship comprised of the components of your individual selves."

"Even if we are committed to remaining emotionally intimate, life brings enough demands and distractions to lead us to wander away from that path. Here are some suggestions that wandering is happening. Lack of accountability. Couples stop saying "I'm sorry." There is more tentativeness about admitting a mistake was made. There's more worry about being criticized. More unspoken stories. Couples begin to deal with their emotions and reactions to their partners by creating stories about the partner's behavior that are not spoken about."

""He's probably attracted to the new colleague at the office." "She no longer finds me interesting." The problem is that most couples begin to act as if their stories are accurate depictions of reality. Common reactions include physical and emotional withdrawal or becoming more aggressive. Diminished curiosity. As they create stories about who their partner is, they become less curious about them. Expressed curiosity comm"

Emotional intimacy is defined as emotional unity between two separate and unique individuals. Building it requires staying aware of one’s own needs, desires, beliefs, and values, while also supporting a partner’s uniqueness. It also requires choosing to create a relationship made from the components of each person’s individual selves. Emotional intimacy can weaken when couples stop taking accountability, such as avoiding apologies and hesitating to admit mistakes. It can also decline when partners rely on unspoken stories about each other’s motives, leading to withdrawal or aggression. Diminished curiosity further reduces connection, making it harder to notice whether intimacy is robust or compromised.

Read at Psychology Today