How to repair a relationship with a colleague that's gone sour

Workplace relationships can deteriorate even when people are likable, and repairing them may be necessary. Being friends is not required; the goal is a respected, professional relationship. Trying too hard to be friends with a supervisor or direct reports can create awkward situations when authority and direction are required. In clinical psychology, the dual relationship principle prevents therapists from having non-therapeutic relationships with clients because multiple roles can create conflicts. In workplaces, the rule is less strict, but overlapping roles can still cause tension. When the cause is unclear, a coworker can be invited to talk, starting with personal feelings and experiences rather than assigning motives or blaming actions.

"Up front, it is important to bear in mind that you don't need to be friends with your colleagues. The aim is to have a respected relationship. In fact, you probably shouldn't try too hard to be friends with your supervisor or your direct reports. As I have written about before, there is an ethical tenet in clinical psychology called the dual relationship principle. A therapist cannot have any other relationship with a client other than a therapeutic one. They can't be friends, lovers, business partners, or family members."

"The reason for this principle is that when you have more than one relationship with someone, it will eventually lead to conflicts in the goals of those relationships, and the therapeutic relationship is paramount. In the workplace, the rule is less ironclad, but it is important to bear in mind that when a supervisor and supervisee are friends, it can create awkward situations when the boss has to tell their report what to do."

"Sometimes you know exactly why your relationship with a coworker has gone south. That isn't always the case. If you are genuinely confused about why the relationship has suffered, ask them to grab a cup of coffee with you. Then, talk about it. Start by focusing on things from your perspective. You never want someone to feel like you are telling them what they're doing or what their motivations are."

"So, use your own experience and feelings. Something like, "I feel like the two of us don't get along as well as we used to. I would like to do what I can to make that better. Would you be"

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