"If it's been awhile since you've sought out a new friend and you're feeling a bit rusty, try developing what Vellos calls "friendship intuition." That means knowing who to prioritize, how to spend time together and what to do if the vibes just aren't there. In a conversation with Life Kit, Vellos shares insights on how to turn a stranger into a friend, based on scientific research and her work as a friendship coach. This interview has been edited for length and clarity."
"Let's talk about how to spot a friend in the wild. Maybe this is in a community space or a group dinner. How do you know if this person has friend potential? Notice who you feel warmth with, who you feel safe around. Also notice if they show curiosity about getting to know you more too. It's not necessarily the most exciting person in the room. They might have a lot of charisma and magnetic charm, but they might not make you feel grounded."
Schedule specific times and activities to turn acquaintances into friends: pull out a calendar, pick a time and an activity, and follow through instead of saying "sometime." Develop friendship intuition by noticing who evokes warmth and safety and who shows genuine curiosity about getting to know you. Prioritize people who make you feel grounded rather than those with just charisma. Avoid waiting too long between meetings because initial sparks can fizzle. Research quantifies how many hours of interaction are needed to convert an acquaintance into a friend, so deliberate repeated contact accelerates friendship formation.
Read at www.npr.org
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