"Relationship partners are like musicians in a duet. They can make beautiful music on their own, but together they make something better than either can do apart. They make harmony. To maintain relationship harmony, we must: Self-regulate (play your own instrument) Maintain integrity (of both instruments) Foster compassion, kindness, appreciation, and respect (the chords of love) Enhance intimate connection. The enemy of harmony is noise."
"Ego is how we prefer to think of ourselves and how we want others to think of us. It functions socially as impression management. Internally, ego protects us from vulnerable feelings, such as guilt, shame, sadness, and fear. And that's the problem. We don't need or want protection from guilt, shame, sadness, or fear. Fear keeps us safe. Guilt, shame, and sadness make us well by reinforcing deeper values, so that we feel consistently authentic, independent of temporary feeling states."
Relationship partners are like musicians in a duet; they create richer harmony when each plays their own instrument cooperatively. Harmony requires self-regulation, preservation of individual integrity, compassion, kindness, appreciation, respect, and enhanced intimate connection. Noise disrupts harmony when egos override shared values, compassion and appreciation are inhibited, negative labeling occurs, projection creates illusions of sameness, or disrespect prevails. Attempts to regulate emotions by controlling partners break harmony. Ego functions as impression management and shields from vulnerable feelings, but excessive ego blocks authenticity and humane values. Growth beyond personal experience fosters greater empathy and relational flourishing.
Read at Psychology Today
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