There's a specific kind of guilt that belongs to people who left difficult families and built better lives. It's not survivor's guilt exactly. It's the knowledge that your peace required a distance that someone who raised you experiences as abandonment, and there is no version of the story where everyone is okay. - Silicon Canals

"Most people understand family estrangement as a binary. Either the family was abusive and you were right to leave, or the family was imperfect and you're being dramatic. The popular framing gives you two options: victim or ingrate. Pick one."

"The guilt I'm describing doesn't fit either story. It lives in the space between them, in the territory occupied by people who didn't flee monsters. They left behind people who loved them in ways that were real but also damaging."

"What psychologist Jonice Webb describes in a recent piece on healing and guilt is something adjacent but structurally different. Webb describes how people can experience guilt as they make healthy choices that create distance from dysfunctional relationships."

Family estrangement is often viewed as a binary choice between victim and ingrate. However, many experience a nuanced guilt that arises from leaving behind loved ones who were both caring and damaging. This guilt exists in the space between gratitude for their efforts and the need for self-preservation. Psychologist Jonice Webb highlights that this guilt can stem from making healthy choices that distance oneself from dysfunctional relationships, where the escape is gradual rather than sudden, leading to compounded feelings of guilt over time.

Read at Silicon Canals