"Shane suffered horrific physical and emotional abuse as a child. When he sleeps, he has terrible nightmares that cause him to cry out in terror. It doesn't happen as much as it used to, but when it does, it's frightening for me. He went to years of therapy to process the abuse and he has been able to lead a functional life, but the nightmares remain."
"You don't have to lose the love of your life over this. While your husband's situation is really tough and complicated, there are plenty of creative work-arounds that could make the occasional nighttime outbursts easier on you. You could try separate bedrooms if you have the space. Earplugs might take the noise down a level and make it less upsetting to you. And you should definitely urge him to return to therapy and plan to keep seeing someone long-term."
"That's if he is in fact the love of your life. Which is something I'm wondering about. That's mostly because the fixes I've suggested are pretty obvious. I know you've thought of them. The fact that you're looking for permission to end things instead of doing something that might improve the situation suggests to me that maybe the relationship itself is a nightmare to you and you want a solid reason to get out. Here it is: "I'm not happy.""
Shane endured horrific physical and emotional abuse as a child, and recurring nightmares still cause him to cry out in terror during sleep. The nightmares occur less frequently than before, but they remain frightening to his partner. He completed years of therapy and has managed to lead a functional life, yet nighttime symptoms persist. Practical accommodations can reduce the impact, including sleeping in separate bedrooms, using earplugs, and encouraging a return to regular long-term therapy. Seeking permission to end the relationship may indicate deeper unhappiness with the relationship itself rather than an inability to tolerate occasional nightmares.
Read at Slate Magazine
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]