"My girlfriend and I live together and have been dating for a little under two years. She had to push a little to move in, and I regret being stubborn about it. I love her and needed the ultimatum to get my act together and commit. I've improved since then, but I think my putting it off impacted her more than I thought."
"I asked if she had any, and she got defensive. I was immediately suspicious, which I regret now, and asked whether I could see them. I didn't think she was cheating or anything, but her pushback felt weird. She started crying a little, but gave me her phone to look at, and the hidden album was a bunch of screenshots of engagement rings, wedding dresses, etc."
"But when I told her I thought the album was nice, she told me that she was embarrassed and to stop trying to make her feel better. I feel bad that I've made her feel like I would think it was weird that she wanted to get married, and also for pushing her into showing me the album in the first place. I want to make it up to her, but I'm also not ready to get married, which makes me feel even worse."
A cohabiting couple has dated for almost two years after one partner initially resisted moving in and needed an ultimatum to commit. The previously avoidant partner recognizes that that delay likely hurt the other. A casual mention of hidden iPhone albums led to suspicion, a request to see the phone, and discovery of screenshots of engagement rings and wedding dresses. The discovery prompted tears and embarrassment, and the partner felt judged when comforted. The avoidant partner now feels guilty for pushing the reveal and for not being ready to marry despite wanting to spend life together.
Read at Slate Magazine
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