"My husband claims that he supports my career as a lawyer in big law; however, he gets irritated when I work late. He says he feels like I don't have time for him and that I always put my job first over everything. I work extremely long hours, sometimes staying at the office past 9 or 10 p.m., and occasionally I even have to log back on once I get home."
"Have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Be transparent about what it will continue to take for you to grow in this career. Tell him that you want it but that you don't want him to resent you along the way. Come up with ideas on how you can carve out time for each other. Point out that you will sometimes have to work on weekends and will continue to have to work late a lot, but you can still steal away for dates."
The husband expresses irritation and resentment when his wife works long hours as a junior big-law lawyer, calling her unavailable and prioritizing work over him. The wife works nights and sometimes logs back in at home, feels pressure to prove herself, and experiences guilt when his reactions are passive-aggressive or distant. Have a heart-to-heart conversation and be transparent about what career growth will require. Generate concrete ideas to carve out reliable shared time, acknowledge that weekends and late nights will sometimes be necessary, and still plan stolen moments or scheduled date nights. Honor commitments and be fully present when together.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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