"A man asked me on a first date to a dive bar. I said no because I already felt like he was trying to see how little effort he could put into planning where we would go. I'm not saying he needed to spend a ton of money on me especially for a first date but his idea just felt flat-out lazy."
"In the past, I've been in relationships where my boyfriend would see how little effort he could put into me and see if he could get away with it. Saying no felt like an act of self-respect, but it also left me second-guessing myself. I don't want to come across as high-maintenance or unfair, but I also don't want to settle for less than I deserve."
"It was not expensive, but it was a lot of fun. Sometimes the cost of an experience is not a good barometer for its value. That said, a dive bar may not be an optimal way to begin to get to know someone. You trusted your gut, but how can you switch things up a bit? Challenge the next suitor to do something different. If he won't make an effort, move on."
A woman declined a first-date invitation to a dive bar because the suggestion felt like an attempt to minimize planning and effort. Past relationships included partners who tested how little effort they could give, so saying no felt like self-respect but also prompted second-guessing about being high-maintenance. Advice notes that inexpensive dates can be meaningful, yet a dive bar may not facilitate getting to know someone. The next suitor can be asked to propose a different activity; if he refuses to make effort, move on. A friend who works long hours (70–90 weekly) repeatedly reschedules, leaving the asker frustrated that the friendship operates on the friend's timetable.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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