Harriette Cole: I really want to call this guy. Is that a bad idea?

"Leave that man alone. Since you two haven't figured out how to have a casual relationship or a committed one, this is not the relationship for you. As tempting as it seems, getting with him under these circumstances will surely lead to some form of heartbreak. That suggests that the sex is way too expensive emotionally. This is where the practice of self-pleasure needs to go to the top of your list and stay there until you meet the right person."

"My problem is, I keep remembering the great sex that we had. He was by far the best lover I've ever been with. I'm sure I put up with a lot of his inadequacies because the physical aspect was so good. I've been thinking about calling him just for a hookup. I mean, just the thought of him sends me swooning."

"Fast-forward to 40-some years later: I'm still here, and I am the one everyone is relying on. Recently, my father passed away, and the arrangements were totally left to me even though I have several siblings. This came after I organized all his care for the past few years of his life. Now another family member has fallen ill, and all eyes are looking in my direction for help. While I am helping out the best I can, it is way too much"

One person recounts a yearlong toxic relationship marked by repeated conflicts and intense sexual chemistry, revealing temptation to call the ex for a hookup despite recurring emotional hurt. The recommendation is to avoid reengaging, because casual or committed boundaries could not be maintained and renewed contact would likely cause heartbreak; sexual satisfaction is emotionally costly in that pairing. The responder advises prioritizing self-pleasure until meeting a partner with whom one can share both emotional compatibility and great sex, and to later communicate preferred techniques without referencing the ex. Another individual describes long-term local caregiving responsibilities, a recent parental death with arrangements left to them, and mounting family care demands that feel overwhelming.

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