"It may be time to have a different conversation with your friend. Perhaps she is having memory problems. See if you can cite at least three instances when your friend has recounted a different version of a story to you than you remember. Tell her that you are concerned about her memory, and give her these examples as evidence. Know that she is likely to push back. Tell her anyway."
"A couple of years ago, a friend of mine lent me a pair of pants. Soon after the occasion, I stopped by to visit her and totally forgot to bring her pants with me. I admitted my mistake, and then she told me I could keep them because they don't fit her well. A few days ago, she reached out asking for her pants, and when I made a joke about her taking back gifts,"
A borrower forgot to return lent pants and was later accused of misplacing them after the lender initially said the borrower could keep them. The lender frequently recalls events inaccurately or invents alternate versions, causing repeated discomfort and accusations. The recommended approach is to identify and document multiple instances of inconsistent recollection, express concern about memory, present concrete examples as evidence, and calmly review the specific incident to explain the discomfort of being accused of lying. Suggest a medical memory evaluation and establish clear boundaries. A separate case begins describing a sister whose young, untrained dog enters homes without permission and causes messes.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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