Infidelity can provoke shame, embarrassment, and self-blame regardless of background or appearance. Cheating reflects a partner's choices and emotional struggles, not the betrayed person's worth. Immediate reactions often include internalizing blame and mourning a lost future. Allowing time to process grief helps release shame through compassion rather than criticism. Support from others can reduce isolation and pain, while establishing boundaries and distance can create space for recovery. Facing hard truths can catalyze personal growth, increase self-trust, and enable more confident love and relationship decisions in the future.
Cheating is an action. Therefore, if you were cheated on, it's not something you did. Still, many people who find themselves in this situation turn the mirror on themselves. Melissa Schwartzman, couples therapist and founder of Melissa Beth Counseling, says, "It's incredibly common to internalize betrayal and wonder what you did wrong or what you lacked." But the truth is, she elaborates, cheating is a reflection of your spouse's choices and emotional struggles, not your worth as a person.
It's a natural reaction to be embarrassed following infidelity, especially when you were picturing a future with your spouse. However, Schwartzman notes that embarrassment often masks deeper emotions like grief, disappointment, and loss, making it useful to focus on grieving the idea of what could've been. "Allowing yourself time to feel and process those layers," Schwartzman says, "helps release shame with compassion instead of criticism."
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