"Do you tend to sweep red flags "under the rug?" You're probably an understanding person who wants to see the good in others. You may also be conscious of your own past, so you're less apt to judge people. Yet while these are admirable attributes, they may get you in trouble when you are dating. You know a red flag when you feel it. It can be visceral. For example, your stomach drops, or your chest tightens."
"Because these things may not match how your date normally acts, you may be tempted to excuse, minimize, or justify them. For instance, you say to yourself, "Maybe they had a bad day at work, so they are stressed, and this was the last straw." Once you do that, you forget about the red flag because you are not someone who holds a grudge."
People often notice visceral red-flag feelings in dating but then excuse or minimize them because they want to see the good and avoid judging others. A single incident—such as a date snapping at a server—can be written off as stress, causing the memory to fade. Repeatedly dismissing these signs risks overlooking a problematic pattern. A practical strategy is a mental 'red flag count': label the first incident #1 and keep track, committing to reflect when the count reaches three. After the third red flag, take time apart to evaluate the relationship. The partner's response to a request for space reveals whether they respect boundaries.
Read at Psychology Today
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