In couples counseling, defensiveness often causes more damage than conflict itself. Relationship expert John Gottman identifies it as a predictor of relationship breakdowns. A simple but effective phrase to counter defensiveness is "That makes sense to me." This expression communicates willingness to understand rather than engage in argument. It validates emotions without agreeing and fosters connection during disagreements. For instance, one couple experienced communication issues until one partner began to use this phrase, allowing for emotional repair and deeper understanding.
"That makes sense to me" sends the opposite signal. It tells your partner, I'm not here to argue. I want to understand you."
Saying "That makes sense to me" after your partner expresses hurt can be a decisive step toward emotional repair.
#couples-counseling #emotional-validation #conflict-resolution #relationship-growth #communication-strategies
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