"I really feel like the cultural norm around proposals is fundamentally silly and outdated. I wish more people would consider that women can propose too! It doesn't have to come from the male partner in heterosexual relationships. I asked my now-husband to marry me, and it was the best choice I've ever made. I think it's really interesting that this wasn't even mentioned in your advice-which goes to show how embedded this heteronormative idea about who gets to propose really is."
"I don't understand all these complaints about men not proposing. If you want to get married, why don't you propose? I realize there is the weight of tradition (and possibly a silly desire for an engagement ring), but it is still something women have done-occasionally, at least. Just ask him to marry you and see what he says! I'm guessing he'll say no, in which case I think you should break up."
Contemporary proposal norms are called silly and outdated. Women can and do propose, and doing so challenges heteronormative expectations that only men initiate marriage. One writer proposed to her now-husband and describes it as the best choice she ever made. Proposal anxiety and fear of rejection are acknowledged but framed as worth facing to secure a desired lifelong partnership. Another writer advises straightforward action: if a partner will not propose, propose yourself and consider ending the relationship if the partner refuses, possibly reuniting later. A riddle about a surgeon being a mother is invoked to illustrate entrenched gender assumptions.
Read at Slate Magazine
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