"When I showed the photo to my friend, her reaction left me speechless. She practically threw the phone down and said, What an ugly family! Your mother is ugly and fat, and your father is ugly, too! She continued with more of the same. Other than that, she's a kind and giving friend. I can't get over what she said because I know I'm ugly and I hate being so. But if we were so offensive, why would she be friends with me?"
"Excuse me, but kind and giving people do not make nasty comments about their friend's relatives' physical appearance. What she did was off-the-charts unpleasant, and your reaction is normal. If your friend asks why you have been remote lately, tell her how shocked you were by her hurtful comments about the family picture. Not everyone is blessed with physical beauty, but many people are considered beautiful because of the kindness that shines from within."
A woman with a long-standing persecution complex rooted in childhood verbal abuse from her mother experienced intensified pain after caring for a sister who suffered a fatal stroke. While looking at a family photo from age 10, a friend reacted by harshly insulting the family’s appearance, which left the woman speechless and deeply wounded. Advice given stresses that the friend’s comments were unkind and abnormal, that the woman’s reaction is understandable, and that she should explain to the friend why she has become remote, emphasizing inner kindness over physical beauty. A separate correspondent received a DNA match message from a young woman whose DNA matches at a niece level and who said she did not know her father and believes the recipient could be her uncle.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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