"DEAR ABBY: I'm 19. My father's mother has never been a grandmother figure in my life. No healthy relationship was ever formed. My dad says it was her fault, but she accepts close to zero responsibility for the situation. She has implied that the fault lies with my mother. I recently, by accident, referred to her by her first name, and my aunt (Dad's sister) thought it was disrespectful."
"I don't think anyone sees this from my point of view. There's an overwhelming consensus that I need to forgive and forget because she is technically my grandmother. I don't share this feeling. Any thoughts? TECHNICALLY THE GRANDDAUGHTER DEAR GRANDDAUGHTER: You do not have to forgive and forget a grandmother who never tried to have a relationship with you. However, in order to keep peace in the family, you do have to treat the woman with respect."
A 19-year-old reports no healthy relationship with her paternal grandmother, who refuses responsibility and implies blame toward the mother. An accidental use of the grandmother's first name was judged disrespectful by other family members, and the granddaughter faces pressure to forgive purely because of the familial title. A recommended approach states there is no requirement to forgive a grandmother who never attempted a relationship, yet preserving family peace requires treating her with respect. A separate correspondent, age 40 and single, reports frequent invitations to his retired parents are repeatedly declined or canceled despite the parents' active social life, causing hurt.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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