"I have a neighbor who every year throws an over-the-top New Year's Eve party. It is not even Halloween yet, and she has already sent the save-the-date invitations. My problem is, I feel like I am boxed in to attending the party as I don't have my plans yet for New Year's Eve. I'd like to have the flexibility to be with my family or possibly attend a different type of event."
"The party starts at 7 p.m., and by midnight I'm exhausted from standing and trying to make small talk at the large party. I prefer a smaller group where we can chat and socialize easily. My neighbor has been known to keep track of people's comings and goings in and out of the neighborhood, so I can't hide on New Year's Eve. I wouldn't mind going for an hour or two, but more than that is just torture."
"You are not trapped into doing anything you don't want to do. A save-the-date card isn't a command performance. Talk with your neighbor and tell her your plans for New Year's Eve are up in the air, and that you haven't decided whether you will spend it with your family but will let her know after you receive her formal invitation."
A neighbor sends save-the-date cards months in advance for an annual over-the-top New Year's Eve party, causing someone to feel obligated to attend. The person prefers smaller gatherings and becomes exhausted by midnight at large parties. The neighbor tracks comings and goings in the neighborhood, limiting the person's options to avoid the event. The person would attend briefly but not the entire evening. The recommended response is to tell the neighbor that New Year's Eve plans are undecided, wait for the formal invitation, and give a later RSVP while keeping the option to attend only for a short time. A separate account describes a friend who uses loud, vulgar language on phone calls and another acquaintance who called intoxicated and abusive, prompting the caller to hang up and block.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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