"Ten years ago, I connected with Christi, a daughter I fathered with a woman I was in a relationship with for a short time decades ago. We split before I knew my girlfriend was pregnant. She didn't tell me until after the baby was born. By that time, she was married to a man Christi knew as her dad. Christi no longer acknowledges him as her father."
"When I retired five years ago, she asked me to move closer to her and my 11-year-old granddaughter. She said she would appreciate help with things like driving her to school and activities. Since relocating, though, I have been given very little access to either of them. Christi's family has poisoned my granddaughter against me. Whenever I see them, it's always in a group of 10 or more, so we haven't developed any of the closeness I was hoping for."
"Tell her you agreed because you thought it would be an opportunity to spend time with her and get to know your granddaughter. However, the result has been that you feel more like a free chauffeur service than a grandparent. Ask why this has happened. If the situation is fixable, talk with a licensed psychotherapist about how to accomplish it."
A man reconnected with a daughter he had fathered decades earlier and later moved nearby to help care for his 11-year-old granddaughter. After relocating, he experienced limited access and mostly group interactions that prevented close bonding. Other family members undermined the granddaughter's relationship with him, causing significant emotional distress and declining mental health. Advice calls for revisiting the original expectations with the daughter, clearly expressing feelings of being reduced to a chauffeur rather than a grandparent, seeking guidance from a licensed psychotherapist to attempt repair, and relocating back if no improvement occurs.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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