"Some people, especially those with emotionally avoidant or self-centred tendencies, are drawn to highly agreeable partners. They sense, often unconsciously, that such people will adapt to them. What looks like chemistry is sometimes psychological complementarity-one gives, the other takes. The exploitative pattern doesn't depend on overt cruelty. It thrives on quiet indifference: the ability to do less, care less, and still be followed and pleased."
"The anxious-agreeable partner regulates the emotional climate-checking tone, softening edges, fixing silences-believing that warmth will earn closeness. The avoidant or self-centred partner, meanwhile, learns-also unconsciously-that they don't need to invest much to keep the connection. Each reaction validates the other's expectations: her efforts confirm his comfort, his indifference confirms her fear that she must keep trying. Over time, this becomes a closed system. The more she gives, the less he needs to; the less he gives, the more she believes she must compensate."
Unequal romantic dynamics often persist through mutual conditioning rather than deliberate choice. Emotionally avoidant or self-centred individuals are drawn to highly agreeable partners who adapt, producing psychological complementarity where one gives and the other takes. The exploitative pattern relies on quiet indifference rather than overt cruelty, allowing one partner to invest little while the other compensates. The anxious-agreeable partner softens tone, fixes silences, and believes warmth will secure closeness, while the avoidant partner learns that minimal investment maintains the connection. Each reaction validates the other's expectations and gradually becomes a closed system that locks partners into unsatisfying roles.
Read at Psychology Today
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