Can Your Partner Handle the Truth?

"Although honesty would seem to be the foundation of every successful relationship, there may be times when you wonder if it's always wise to tell the truth. Jessie is convinced that her partner, Chris, would be better off not knowing exactly how much a home repair will cost. She sets aside whatever small amounts she can to cover up the true expense, figuring that there's no point in causing Chris to get as upset as she is. After all, it won't change anything, and at least she can protect Chris from unnecessary stress."

"You might wonder, though, if Jessie is really being all that altruistic. What if the heavy expense is her own fault? Maybe she didn't check around enough to get cheaper estimates. Or maybe the need for the expense was due to her own carelessness (that cabinet drawer didn't break itself). Now, her dishonesty seems to be serving an entirely different-selfish-purpose."

"As noted by SWPS University's Sebastian Wnęk and Katarzyna Cantarero (2026), although "people value honesty as essential in relationships ... they also acknowledge situations in which ... deception ... is not only acceptable but, at times, ethically justified." Truth can cause emotional pain, so sparing one's partner can be a good idea. On the other hand, because honesty is such a "cherished value" for many people, people may prefer the "unvarnished truth" (p. 1)."

"In general, research shows that the prosocial lie (the one that spares others) is more acceptable than the egoistic lie (the one that maintains positive illusions). When considering whether to lie to protect yourself vs. your p"

Preserving a relationship by hiding a hard truth may feel kind, but it can create problems. Research indicates that lying has downsides even when the intention is to protect a weaker partner’s resilience. A scenario involves one partner concealing the real cost of a home repair to avoid upsetting the other, but the concealment can also raise questions about responsibility and self-interest. People value honesty as essential in relationships, yet they also recognize situations where deception may be ethically justified. Prosocial lies that spare others are generally viewed as more acceptable than egoistic lies that protect positive self-illusions. Choosing honesty over deception offers a better chance to build stronger bonds over time.

Read at Psychology Today