Building Love and Safety in Marriage After Childhood Trauma

"Emotionally focused therapy for couples (EFT; Johnson 2005) is a respected, well-researched therapy that is remarkably effective for building safe, rewarding marriages. It is especially useful when one or both partners have experienced childhood trauma, and when both partners are committed to strengthening their marriage. EFT is not about blaming or proving who's right. It is about strengthening the connection."

"Understandably, trauma survivors often lack resources to deal with the echoes of childhood trauma that contaminate their marriage. They often: Don't fully appreciate that closeness-attaching to and depending upon a reliable, safe, caring individual-is a vital need that doesn't disappear in adulthood. Carry scars of betrayal, fear being hurt again, and are reluctant to trust and be vulnerable. Haven't yet learned how to regulate strong emotions or to respond constructively to their partner's emotional needs. Haven't learned how to stand up for themselves effectively."

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) strengthens couples' attachment bonds and builds safe, rewarding marriages, especially when one or both partners experienced childhood trauma. EFT focuses on attachment needs, emotion regulation, and creating responsive, secure patterns of interaction rather than blaming or proving who's right. Trauma survivors often lack resources for closeness, carry scars of betrayal, struggle with trust and vulnerability, have difficulty regulating strong emotions, and may not assert themselves effectively. EFT helps partners identify conflict triggers, understand how unfulfilled attachment needs drive patterns, learn the logic of emotions, and adopt new, constructive responses to each other's emotional needs.

Read at Psychology Today