The author reflects on their mid-thirties realization of feeling trapped in a subservient housewife role within a long-term relationship. After a decade together, they grapple with feelings of boredom, neglect, and desire for sexual exploration outside their partnership. They question whether their fantasies indicate a lack of fulfillment in their current relationship or signify an inevitable end. The author expresses a desire for more openness regarding sexuality and the constraints of monogamy, pondering the implications of potential romantic encounters with others while feeling that loyalty is suffocating their true desires.
I seem to have woken up in my mid thirties having missed the point where I became this subservient house wife type.
I fantasize about other people wanting to pursue me sexually and this has been fun... I've found myself in a dissociative state dreaming of getting fucked in some coat closet at a friend's Christmas party.
I can't tell if I'm just bored and feeling neglected or if this is what it feels like when a relationship is coming to an end.
I wish everyone was more sexually open and fluid and monogamy didn't threaten to ruin relationships when our natural urges to fuck and feel pleasure takes hold.
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