"This could be something really good for both of us, but he told me that during his 60-year marriage he was a serial cheater and also that this need for forbidden sex with people he does not care about is just who he is. He has no remorse, and it will continue to happen in the future even if we were to be a couple. I'm so discouraged because other than that huge problem he is wonderful. I don't connect with others easily,"
"Dear Romantic: You don't need to settle. I want to highlight the way you started your letter: After a lifetime of relationships that didn't give you what you need, you've gladly embraced the single life. You are content and joyful. You have found a love for yourself that doesn't need a partner's approval or support. No matter what's going on with this other guy, that's the aspect you should be focusing on. You are enough. Now, we can be happy with ourselves and still want companionship."
A 70-year-old who embraced a joyful single life met an 82-year-old widower and felt a strong connection after reconnecting at a memorial and subsequent lunches. The widower admitted to decades of serial infidelity, described a persistent need for forbidden sexual encounters, expressed no remorse, and warned it would likely continue even in a future relationship. The connection feels rare and compatible, but the admission creates deep discouragement because trust and exclusivity are threatened. The advice emphasizes maintaining self-worth, not settling for a relationship that compromises core needs, and recognizing the value of being content alone while still seeking companionship.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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