Asking Eric: It was a compliment! Why should my friend resent being compared to a celebrity?
Briefly

A friend compared a longtime acquaintance to a well-known actor, and the acquaintance found the comparison offensive and called it racist. A straightforward apology and expression that no harm was meant can deescalate the conflict and avoid prolonging a dispute that harms neither party. The comparison may signal that the complimentee feels unseen in his full complexity, or that similar incidents have occurred before. Suggesting a calm, open question about the reaction can open dialogue and understanding. Prioritizing the friendship and moving on together can create space to learn and strengthen the relationship.
It seems easiest to tell Steve, I meant no harm by what I said and I'm sorry that it offended you. Not only is this the truth, but it doesn't needlessly prolong a conflict that doesn't really impact either of you. It's clear that either Steve doesn't see the actor in the same way or doesn't think that he resembles the actor.
If that's the case, then your compliment may come across as an indication that you don't see him in all his complexity. Maybe this has happened before with others and you're getting the blowback from it. Who knows. You don't need to belabor the point, but saying sorry and moving on will free you both. And, if you can both move on, you can if you want ask him to tell you more about his reaction to the actor.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
[
|
]