Asking Eric: I refuse to have the best man's wife at my wedding

"You'll have enough people to talk to at your wedding. Just invite her. Not doing so would send a message so aggressive, it would likely create ongoing problems in the family and isolate you and your husband. It's hard for me to tell if she is being intentionally rude or if she's shy or something else entirely. But you do point out that she'll respond to you when asked a question, so it doesn't sound like she's being intentionally cruel."

"She consistently refuses to engage with me socially, going no further than a brief hi. There has been no conflict; she simply does not converse with me. If I ask her about herself or what's going on in her life she will answer, but there's no back and forth. I doubt she even knows my name. For context, my fiance is Hungarian, and his family is small. Although the sister-in-law speaks English fluently, she is the only family member who never attempts to talk to me or ask me any questions."

"My fiance says that excluding her will create drama. He has acknowledged her behavior has been mean-spirited in the past, yet he excuses it as shyness and says she took years to warm up to him. I find this a poor excuse for a complete lack of basic manners, and I am unwilling to have a guest at my wedding who will not speak to me."

An engaged woman considers excluding her future brother-in-law's wife from the wedding because the sister-in-law never engages beyond a brief "hi." The fiance interprets the behavior as shyness, acknowledges past mean-spiritedness, and warns that exclusion would create drama. The woman notes the sister-in-law answers questions but rarely initiates conversation and likely does not know her name. Invitations are imminent and the couple will have limited opportunities to interact before the wedding. The recommended action is to invite the sister-in-law to avoid sending an aggressive message that could cause ongoing family problems and isolate the couple.

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