Asking Eric: How do I deal with a mother-in-law who thinks we're too rich?

"My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. He has three siblings, and it seems like he's the forgotten one. His mom and siblings always put money together and send it for each other's birthdays. Last year and the year before that, they did it for everyone's birthday except my husband's. He was very upset about it but said nothing."

"I'm tired of my husband participating in everyone's birthday and then being ignored for his. I would love to speak up and say something but not sure it's my place to do that as an in-law. I'm just trying to figure out if there's a nice way to let them know how hurtful it is or if there's a way to get out of sending money since my husband is excluded."

"You can start the ball rolling on both by taking the reins. Rally folks yourself for your husband's birthday. You can even tell his mother and siblings, I notice that this is a family tradition, and I think it makes him feel left out to not get anything for his birthday, so I decided to organize on his behalf this year. It will mean a lot."

Take initiative by organizing the family's birthday collection for the husband to ensure he receives recognition. Communicate directly to his mother and siblings that the family tradition makes him feel left out and that you are coordinating the gift this year. Use that conversation to correct their misconception about your financial situation. If family members resist, let your husband know and support him in setting boundaries about future contributions. Consider declining requests to contribute if the family continues to exclude him. Prioritize clear communication and visible advocacy to change the family's pattern.

Read at www.mercurynews.com