"It's telling that your brother chose to, in your telling, whine to your other brother rather than try to clear the air with you. Even if he didn't agree with a single word of your letter, the natural thing to do is say, I didn't realize you felt this way. Can we talk about it? Because he hasn't done this, it's hard to take his desire to reach out seriously."
"This isn't to say that he's not genuine. I have no way of knowing. But relationships aren't jukeboxes; you don't just plunk in a quarter and have a nice family dinner pop out. You ask how you can get past this. Part of the solution is accepting that you didn't get the support from your family that you needed and that wasn't fair."
An older sibling repeatedly insulted and provoked despite public civility, prompting long-term avoidance and eventual written confrontation with detailed grievances. The offending sibling sought sympathy from another brother rather than seeking a direct conversation or acknowledgment. Genuine outreach requires a candid admission of harm and a request to discuss the pain caused; without that, outreach is hard to take seriously. Reconciliation requires acceptance that familial support was inadequate and unfair, while holding the offending sibling accountable. Emotional repair cannot be forced; restoration of contact should depend on sincere accountability, acknowledgment of past harms, and meaningful change in behavior.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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