"If you are married or in a long-term committed relationship, "How committed are you" may sound like an odd question. Of course you're committed-you said "I do," signed a mortgage, maybe even made tiny humans together. As a couples therapist who's worked with thousands of couples, I've witnessed something heartbreaking. Here's the uncomfortable truth - True commitment is much rarer than we think, and it's not what you believe it is."
"We believe that getting married makes us committed. We believe buying a house together makes us committed. We believe having children makes us "more committed than ever-now we're a family!" But the divorce statistics-and our own life experiences watching friends and family-tell a very different story. Here's the reality: Being legally married or cohabiting is far from a guarantee that we'll stay together "till death do us part." Too often, we stay together until we are miserable, and then all too often we break up."
"The problem with some commitments is that they can be as flimsy as the piece of paper they are written on. It can be as fragile as those wedding photos from that special day where you pledged to love each other forever. Thinking you are committed because of some feelings and decisions you made years - even decades - ago does not guarantee emotional and relational commitment."
True commitment requires consistently showing up for the relationship rather than relying on past decisions or legal ties. Legal marriage, shared property, or children do not automatically create emotional or relational commitment. Some commitments remain fragile and depend on ongoing choice and effort. One partner's refusal to work on the relationship can leave the other carrying the burden and put the relationship at risk. Love and commitment cannot be forced, but individuals can take responsibility for their part and show up fully. With sustained effort, intimacy, romance, passion, and sexual connection can be reignited and restored.
Read at Psychology Today
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