"In contrast to the current discourse, many adults with toxic family members do not want to lose contact with them. In fact, they often want to be closer. In therapy, clients describe trying many ways to address conflict, work through old pain, and build more intimate relationships. I help them with these efforts by offering insights and tools they may not have considered and by introducing new approaches to old problems."
"Some family members do not respond well to private information. They may share it with others, offer unwanted advice, make harsh judgments, or use information as ammunition later. One way to protect yourself is to strengthen your privacy standards around these family members. Notice what kinds of information feel unsafe in their hands and begin leaving out those stories or details during catch-ups. Keep conversations focused on benign, safe topics."
"When a family member cannot handle certain conversations, stop fighting it and accept the relationship for what it is. Clients often lament shifting toward more superficial topics, but in many cases, depth was already lacking, and they were trying to create a closeness the relationship could not support. Attempts to discuss difficult, politically charged, or nuanced subjects frequently led to unhelpful results."
Many adults want to stay connected to toxic family members while protecting their emotional health. When attempts to resolve conflict fail, boundaries and practical strategies can preserve relationships without harm. Strengthen privacy standards by withholding sensitive information that may be shared, judged, or weaponized. Match conversational depth to the relationship's capacity, focusing on benign topics when deeper discussions provoke conflict. Set clear expectations for visits to make interactions predictable and safe. Use gentle but firm limits to maintain composure and well-being while keeping contact.
Read at Psychology Today
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