"For most moms and dads, as their child begins the 10- to 12-year coming-of-age passage, the growing transformation we call adolescence (usually beginning around ages 9 to 13), parenting becomes more challenging. While the child was more content to live on parental terms, the adolescent wants to operate more on her or his independent annd individual own. So parents should consider these four common youthful changes in their relationship with their teenager to which, to some degree, they must adjust."
"There is more distance. Now the teenager is increasingly private at home and socially preoccupied with friends. Separating from childhood and family is what adolescence is meant to do, creating opportunity for more freedom to grow. In response, parents can miss the old closeness that has been lost. Parents must now do more letting go: "We miss how close we used to be!" So, accept more separation and create opportunities for ongoing companionship where you can. "Let's do something fun together!""
"There is more differentiation. Now the teenager is increasingly drawn to expressing individuality and trying to act older. To grow up, one has to explore and express new variations in experience and expression, daring to experiment with more worldly curiosity and adventure. Now parents must tolerate more diversity. "Her likes differ from our own." So, bridge growing adolescent differences with parental interest. "Teach us about what matters to you now.""
Adolescence brings increased privacy, social focus on peers, and the gradual separation from childhood and family. Teenagers explore individuality, experiment with new experiences, and express differing likes and values. Growing dissatisfaction leads to more argument, delay, and resistance to parental requirements. Parents experience a loss of old closeness and must learn to let go while still offering companionship. Effective parental responses include accepting separation, tolerating diversity, showing interest in adolescent concerns, inviting teens to teach parents about new interests, and creating shared activities that maintain connection while respecting emerging independence.
Read at Psychology Today
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