"Family History Has Defined You One of my patients hates her older sister. She says her sister is always competing with her, outshining her, and acting superior. I have another patient who feels rejected by his older brothers because they still see him as a weak tattletale. Often, the oldest siblings are considered the High Achievers in their families, while the youngest are the Babies, cute and coddled."
"Family stories capture how our parents and sibs see us, and those characterizations can remain stuck in family lore the way insects are preserved in amber. There's the Smart One, the Pretty One, the Clown, the Lazy One, the Too Sensitive One, the Tight-Lipped, and the Over-sharer. These old ways of seeing each other come to life at a family event like a Thanksgiving dinner, and it's one of the factors that make these experiences so stressful."
"You're back in the box of who you were then, and your family makes it difficult for you to be seen differently. You and Your Siblings Have Changed Experiences and years change us. You and your siblings have had successes, failures, joys, and losses, yet you may all feel locked into the family mythology in a way that prevents present-day accurate perception."
Family narratives often assign fixed sibling roles such as the High Achiever, the Baby, the Smart One, the Clown, or the Over-sharer. Those characterizations can become entrenched and resurface at family gatherings, making it hard for individuals to be seen differently. Life experiences change siblings over time through successes, failures, joys, and losses, yet perceptions may remain locked in mythology. Deliberately approaching siblings without prior assumptions allows people to recognize present identities and shift interactions. Specific, intentional actions can help siblings appreciate who each person is now and foster improved connection during holidays and beyond.
Read at Psychology Today
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