You Must Give Up Hope for a Better Past

"It isn't an oversimplification to say that perfectionism, at its core, is about a deep and irrational need for emotional and often even physical security. As much as I dislike searches for abstract "root causes," because causes tend to be complex, we can safely (no pun intended) conceive of the specific goals and specific desires in perfectionism as being in service of self-preservation, feeling protected from external and, thus, internal skeptics and critics."

"So, if we accept that all of us have cognitive biases, meaning that we take mental shortcuts to form conclusions about the world, this added environmental layer helps to prolong and may even worsen those mental tendencies. Perfectionists, inherently, struggle with paradox and, thus, with making sense of a complex and conflicted world. In large part due to black and white thinking, there's a strong need for clarity and harmony, with the result being an obsession with rules."

Perfectionism is driven by a deep, irrational need for emotional and physical security. Many perfectionists develop this need after childhood experiences of emotional neglect or abuse. Cognitive biases and mental shortcuts reinforce rigid black-and-white thinking and make paradox and complexity difficult to tolerate. That intolerance produces an obsession with rules, regulation, and fairness as ways to make the world feel predictable and safe. Perfectionists often try to control past, present, and future to compensate for perceived flaws, and they may enlist relationships to fill unmet needs. Letting go of hope for a better past can free the present and future from that burden.

Read at Psychology Today